I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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