He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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