I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
