i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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