Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
