i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
