Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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