I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
