I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
