I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
