Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
