I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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