Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
