he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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