dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
