So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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