dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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