I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
