I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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