I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
