If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
