Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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