Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
