The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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