I should be sponsored by Trojan
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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