well I can't set my house on fire every night
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
