It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
