i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
