Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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