nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
