Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
