I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
