the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
