I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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