Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Randomize
