but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
