you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have fence marks all over my body
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
