I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
