Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
