It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
