how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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