So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He shit in the fireplace
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
