I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
