We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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