By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
