You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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