I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
