Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
