Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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