the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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