I can tuck mytits in my pants
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
